Life. What a journey! We experience everything from deep sorrow to mind blowing elation on a cycle that seems both random and predictable. So much is out of our control, I sometimes feel overwhelmed to the point of motivational paralysis. At these times I reach for habitual comforts: alcohol, social media, TV, etc. These activities are fine in moderation, in my opinion, but I find an over reliance on them creates an undercurrent of ennui that settles deeply. I lose inspiration for experiences that bring pleasure. It's a sort of spiritual water treading that eventually asks to be addressed.
My main toolbox for this is mindfulness meditation, and for this writing I'm pulling out gladdening the mind and present moment awareness. These are two excellent tools for getting myself back to center, where I can widen and gentle my perspective. From there, life flows more smoothly.
Gladdening the mind is like finding your happy place and hanging out for awhile. One teacher guided a meditation on this by having us visualize the sky filled with a wide smile. Then, seeing that smile grow in our hearts, minds and bodies. Feeling a big smile radiate outward feels really good!
This idea isn't limited to meditators. Neuroscience supports the idea that we can change our happiness set point by paying more attention to positive experiences. Beyond simply noticing the good stuff, scientists recommend holding these thoughts and feelings in mind for as long as possible. Enjoying a prolonged positive moment builds neural connections in the brain that allow us to more easily do so in the future. It's like building a muscle, or creating a path through the flora to our joy. The happier we are, the happier we will be.
My life is very good, so when I find myself wading through light depressions I know I have this mindfulness toolbox available and that it will help. Recently, I brought it out for some overdue maintenance and decluttering.
My 50th birthday was this week. I like to use milestones to take stock in my life and retrain my attention toward a chosen direction. So, I planned a solo mindfulness retreat for last weekend. I stocked my house with delicious foods, both healthy and decadent. I bought flowers and candles. I set up a new altar. And I gathered books and documentaries that were in line with my focus for the weekend.
The daily schedule was somewhat loose. I got up and went to bed when I wanted to. I meditated three times daily, but not at a particular time, and I filled the spaces between with the prearranged books and documentaries I had gathered. I allowed myself to smoke weed, but drank no alcohol and avoided the internet (except for the docs).
It was a beautiful experience. There were no blasts of inspiration or mystical visions, just a gentle, steady gladdening and emptying of this being. I came out of it feeling confident, easy, and totally content to be in my 50s!
I had an interesting observation with the absence of social media. First, it was probably the most challenging restriction I observed over the retreat. This surprised me. I think of social media as a time filler, which is how it began for me. But the days of looking at MySpace for 15 minutes and being done with it are far in the past. Now, I have a twice daily routine of allowing myself to scroll through Facebook, Instagram and several news feeds. I estimate a minimum of 2 hours per day. No judgment on others' habits here, I like to track behavior because it helps me.
Second, it seems that my mental flow has begun to resemble a media feed. I noticed it Sunday night of the retreat. By then, I was feeling energetic and inspired and found it difficult to fall asleep. I used all my tricks, gummies, mindful breathing, soft music...nothing worked. I lay in bed, observing my mind and noticed how I dash from one thought to another without really completing any of them. Have I always been this easily distracted? I don't think so. I've been noticing it for awhile, asking friends if they too notice that as they get older, the ADHD seems to be getting worse? I don't know, the data set is weak, but it's worth considering just for half a second, then I'll think about puppies.
The tool I'm using for this is present moment awareness. I've been working on this one for years. It's challenging to be fully present in each moment. My mind is used to worries, plans, and ruminations. How can I just, what, be? Slow breath in. Slow breath out. Again and again, noticing the breath, being present in my body, feeling the energy of other beings, observing the natural world around me...again and again. Slowly acclimating to being glad and just being.
I know this is a long one, but I want to recommend some of the documentaries I watched. All three of these are deeply inspiring to me:
Mission: Joy Finding Happiness in Troubled Times
Thank you for being!
Excellent blog entry... I enjoyed the longform wordflow and introspection :)
ReplyDeleteYes. The focus thing. What do they call it, flow, I think. I get that much less these days. I notice that I sometimes have trouble reading for very long, an issue I've rarely had. I pop out after a few pages, and check FB or something, for no good reason, then go back. It doesn't make for an immersive experience. I like your idea of a social media fast. I have done it before, and I may have to try it again. But Mr Random will miss my *like*s. He would probably cope - I could do them verbally, in the now. That would work.
ReplyDeleteIt's a balance I think, and different for everybody. Thanks for reading!
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